Psychological Profile: Diane Two

Code Name: Diane Two
Birth Chart: Sun in Scorpio, Ascendant in Leo, Moon in Pisces (October 31, 1922 11:55 AM Sarasota, Florida)^[1]
Height: 5’5”
Weight: 126
Hair Color: Light Brown
Eye Color: Brown

Psychological Profile Questions:

What is your earliest memory?

In the first interview, the subject said her first memory was the doctor striking her on the buttocks when the subject was born. The subject reported she said her first words at in that moment: “Hey, buy me a drink first!”

In the second interview, the subject said her earliest memory was seeing the subject’s father perform as a ringmaster. In that moment, the subject believed her father to be the ruler of the universe, the prophesied Ringmaster.

How did you feel about your mother?

In the first interview, the subject said her mother was a Gypsy witch. The subject’s mother had a beard down to her knees and performed as the bearded lady in the family circus. The subject’s mother purportedly had the magical power to steal a man’s penis and would used to put these penises in a chicken coop where they could roam free. One time, the subject observed a man come to their caravan to retrieve his penis. The subject’s mother told him to pick out his penis. The man went to pick the largest penis when the subject’s mother yelled at him “No! That’s the parish priest’s cock!”

In the second interview, the subject repeated that the subject’s mother was a Gypsy. However, the subject said the subject’s mother had started shaved her beard and stopped performing long before the subject was born. The subject hoped that she would inherit the genes that caused her hair growth, but the subject has less body hair than the average White woman. The subject’s mother was an ordinary and industrious woman who helped her husband with his business.

How did you feel about your father?

In the first interview, the subject said she could not speak about her father, but the subject’s milkman growing up was the best milkman in the country. The subject’s milkman could always be counted on to produce the richest, sweetest, creamiest milk from the package he carried everywhere. All the housewives greatly anticipated the visit of the subject’s milkman. The subject’s milkman preferred to visit the home of the Llywellyn's; which was difficult, since the family traveled with their circus. It was not until the subject was eighteen that she found out the milkman was her father in disguise.

In the second interview, the subject said she greatly admired her father. The subject often wished she could be a ringmaster like her father, but the subject had never heard of a female ringmaster. And the subject feels if there was a female ringmaster, she would have to wear very sexualized clothes. The subject said they did not have a milkman growing up.

When did you realize you were a little girl?

In the first interview, the subject said that her twin brother showed her his penis. The subject’s twin brother said that she should be jealous he had that. The subject showed the twin brother her vulva, and said that with this, she could have all the penises she wanted.

In the second interview, the subject said that one time, she and her male twin brother were out with their father., Someone said it was a shame the twins were not identical, since that would be more marketable. Later, when the subject was out with her mother, people would inquire about the twins. And the twins would claim their mother forced them to cross-dress as each other as an evil Gypsy practice. This would greatly frustrate the mother but the father thought this was a good prank.

What did you think of boys growing up?

In the first interview, the subject said she was in a barbershop with her father and her twin brother. To pass the time, the subject had been given a sweet to eat. A little boy asked the subject if she was afraid of getting hair stuck on her lollipop. The subject said she did not have to worry about that until many many more years to come.

In the second interview, the subject said that she was envious of the boys being funneled into the masculine circus arts, while the subject was encouraged to develop the feminine circus arts.

What is your earliest sexual memory?

In the first interview, the subject said she was once playing house with a little boy. They got naked, and the little boy stood on her head. The little boy wondered if they were doing the right thing. The subject said that they had to be, since she was already getting a headache.

In the second interview, the subject said that when she was nine years old, and her twin brother was too sick to play with her, she was playing in the woods alone. The subject met a traveling salesman who was drinking alcohol. The traveling salesman said the subject should respect him, because he was selling the best encyclopedias in the world, the Encyclopedia Spartanica, but she did not respect him. The traveling salesman grew angry at her hi-jinx and spanked her. The subject had not ever been spanked by her parents and this was a new exciting feeling for her. The subject told her twin brother about this man, so the twin brother tried looking for the man but could not find him. The family had to move on with the circus anyway. The subject did not tell her parents.

How did you learn about sex?

In the first interview, the subject said her father sat her down and told her he was going to tell her the truth about sex. When the subject heard that, she started crying. The subject’s father asked why. The subject said that after learning that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were was fake, the Easter Bunny was fake, if she learned that sex was fake, she’d have nothing for which to live.

In the second interview, the subject said that when the subject and her brother were twelve, they were sat down by their father. He asked them to tell them every dirty joke they had overheard. The subject’s father then explained the meaning of every joke. The subject’s father told them that there were a lot of misconceptions in these jokes. But it was an objective truth that large penises were good.

When did you first learn about homosexuality?

In the first interview, the subject said she heard of a case of a female homosexual couple and a male homosexual couple living together in a duplex. The duplex caught fire. The female homosexual couple perished, since they were too busy gathering their belongings. The male homosexual couple survived since “they packed their shit last night.”.

In the second interview, the subject confirmed she learned about homosexuality at the same time she learned about sex. After the subject’s father told her about sex, the subject’s twin brother confessed that he was a homosexual. And the subject said that maybe she was a homosexual too. They agreed not to tell their parents, since while their parents would accept the company of homosexuals, they would be disappointed if their children were ones.

What were your sexual fantasies as a teen-ager?

In the first interview, the subject said her mother told her that if she touched herself, the subject would go blind. The subject asked her mother if she could do it until she needed glasses. The subject then discussed the implications of every glasses-wearer being a serial masturbator. The subject did not tell the interviewer about her sexual fantasies.

In the second interview, the subject said she fantasized about boss/secretary, milkman/housewife, chauffeur/heiress, drill sergeant/private, hobo/punk, teacher/student, doctor/patient, king/jester, and a multitude of other scenarios. The subject did not have the privacy to touch herself while thinking about these fantasies.

How did you lose your virginity?

In the first interview, the subject said she went to a tea shop while dressed in her white debutante gown. The subject slammed her money on the bar and asked for a shot of the sweetest, milkiest tea. The tea shop clerk asked, “what happened?” The subject said she experienced her first cunnilingus (subject said “muff diving”). The tea shop clerk congratulated her and said she deserved a piece of cake too. The subject said, “if the tea did not take the taste of vagina out of my her mouth, the cake would not work.”

In the second interview, the subject said she lost her virginity to a roommate at Juilliard. The subject did not have intercourse until she met her husband.

What do you think about when you touch yourself?

In the first interview, the subject said when she touches herself, she likes to use her magic dildo. The subject said she just needs to say “magic dildo” and the body part she wants to use it on, and it will “fuck” that body part. The first time the subject used the magic dildo, everything went great., bBut she did not know how to get it to stop. The subject drove to the hospital with the magic dildo still inside her. Since the subject was driving erratically, she was stopped by the police. The subject explained she was not drinking and the problem was her magic dildo. The police officer said, “magic dildo my ass”. Afterwards, the subject purchased a new magic dildo and listened to the instructions better.

In the second interview, the subject said she does have more privacy to touch herself while thinking of her multitude of complex fantasies. But the subject does not enjoy doing that. The subject prefers to enact her fantasies with her husband.

How do you feel about your parents now?

In the first interview, the subject said that her parents live in a home. The subject clarified she meant a dog house in the backyard. The subject feeds them dog food twice daily and it keeps their coats shiny. The interviewer has not seen evidence that this statement is true.

In the second interview, the subject said that she is afraid her parents’ business will deteriorate with the popularization of television. The subject is also jealous that the parents spend more time with the twin's older siblings.

Do you feel you married the right person?

In the first interview, the subject said she went to the doctor and told him she felt very depressed. The subject said that she could not stand to do any housework or take care of her children. The subject said she told the doctor she spent all her time lying in her bed, staring at the wall. The subject said she spent all her time drinking whiskey sours and wondering why she went on living. The doctor told her to go into town; because the circus was there. The doctor said told her at this circus the great clown Pagliacci was performing. Only that clown was great enough to cure even “the desperate, hopeless depression; the kind that gnaws on the human soul”. The subject burst into tears at the doctor’s office and told the doctor that she could not visit the clown Pagliacci since she was the wife of Pagliacci. The subject then told the interviewer me she had divorced Pagliacci years ago, and her marriage with her current husband was happy. The interviewer knows her current marriage now is her first marriage.

In the second interview, the subject said that her husband is her soulmate. The subject feels it was destiny that her husband was assigned to cover the same play the subject was stage managing. They got together because they agreed this production of the new one act play “Pagliacci”, about the beloved and famous clown, was a “really, a fucking stinker”. In the past, the subject’s twin brother had an affair with the husband, and agreed that the subject’s husband was made for her. However, ever since her husband made her have children and then move to the suburbs, she has been feeling like her marriage is a burden. She also suspects that he did kill his late boss, though she does not know how and she would never tell on him if she did know.

Do you ever wish you were the husband?

In the first interview, the subject said she once went to a party without her husband. After an hour, the subject got tired of the party and went home. There, in the bedroom was her husband. The subject told her husband “Take off my dress.” The husband did it. The subject said, “Take off my heels and stockings.” The subject did it. The subject told her husband, “Take off my bra and panties.” The husband did it. The subject then announced told her husband, “If I ever see you in my things again, I’m getting a divorce.”

In the second interview, the subject said that when they were eighteen years old, the subject and the subject’s twin brother went to the crossroads of Georgia Avenue and Florida Avenue^[2], order to make a deal to switch bodies. The subject and her twin brother knew there would be a lot of red tape and thought that their deal would be accepted., But they were told the price for this type of thing was each of their first-born children. The subject feels that these crossroad centers are a scam, and she looks down on anyone who would actually go through with these deals. The subject does not even want to consider switching bodies with her husband.