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# New Wife: Paul Two
- URL: https://the-spartan-housewives-of-nova.ghost.io/new-wife-paul-two/
- Published: 2026-08-16T09:00:01.000Z
- Updated: 2026-08-16T09:00:01.000Z
- Description: Paul Two's reacton to his wife Diane Two coming home
- Author: Gabriel Scheherazade
- Tags: Act 2, 2 Diane Two, Other POV, Base Story

#### Content Warning

Suicide, orphaning, antiziganism, outdated term for Romani people, past adult-child sexual abuse, past priest-layman abuse, corrective rape, acephobia, sex work, post-partum psychosis, demonic deals

*\[Excerpt from Mr. Two’s unpublished manuscript.\]*

To Dave and Polly,  
You were my sun and moon.  
To everyone,  
I am so sorry.

In Albert Camus’ *Le Peste*, there is a minor character, called Joseph Grand, who is an elderly civil servant with literary pretensions. He is trying to write a novel, but he is stuck on creating the perfect first sentence. Over and over, he works on it as a plague overtakes his Algerian city. In the end, the White Horse of Pestilence drags him away before the Muses can enlighten him. Perhaps the same misfortune will occur with this suicide note, which I write in my study as my loving wife and beloved brother-in-law think I am writing a memoir. I suppose you could call this a memoir.

I was ill-fated when I was born. Not born in the high houses of Boston, but in a gypsy camp, or possibly a Portuguese fishing village; the nuns had different stories, depending on how angry they were with me. I tell people I am Black Irish.\[1\] My wife and my brother-in-law know me as one of their own people. In any case, as a toddler, I was taken away from my family and placed in a Catholic orphanage to be raised as a good Catholic child. I was too young to remember my family, but too old to fit comfortably in someone else’s family. I was a handsome and intelligent child, one that any family could be proud to call their son, and yet I never became a son. Perhaps prospective parents could see the evil in me.

When I was fifteen years old, I became a man. I was telling the orphanage priest my confession when he interrupted me to demand to know why I never confessed to lust. The other boys kept confessing to onanism, and voyeurism, and consuming pornography, and lustful thoughts in general, but all I would say was I was bored during Mass and resentful no wealthy parents had adopted me. Was I lying in confession, another sin? I said I was not lying, I just did not have any lustful thoughts. He believed I was lying, and demonstrated that my body was developed enough to feel lust. That is how I became a man, and there were no malignant effects to that. I still do not really feel lust, but I know for what use is my body.

Dave, I know I told you when I left the orphanage I became a traveling salesman of *Enclycopedia Spartanica* books. I was half-lying. I was a salesman, but it was of my own body. I sold my body to men, and sometimes lonely women, while always taking the man’s role. It is how I got ahead as a poor boy with no family connections in this so-called meritocracy. In order to get two steps ahead of the competition, I made a deal with a Crossroad Demon for my firstborn child. Though this will seem horrible to most everyone, I had looked into the case law history of these deals and I thought I could come out ahead if I played my cards right and paid a lesser price. I did not think I would ever fall in love.

Then I met Polly. Oh Polly, you think I never loved you, that you were just a customer with whom I liked to discuss theater and gossip. You wanted me to be the he-man lover who swooned at your inner femininity, but just because I am not the type to swoon doesn’t mean I did not love you. If I could, I would have married you. Perhaps everything would have gone better if we could have married.

After Polly, I moved to Washington DC. I went to the Mayflower Hotel bar to pick up clientele. There, I met the columnist Dean Pettyson, ol’ Petty. He was impressed with my brains and after we went to his hotel room, other things. He saw that I read more books and had more street sense than the Ivy League journalism majors he could hire, so he made me his leg man and lover. It was a happy situation for him, but he worked me like a dog and always let me know, despite our positions in bed, I was his bitch.

Our happy home was broken up when, by chance, I happened to meet Polly's twin. That’s you, my dear tomboy, Dave. I was assigned to watch this one-act play called *Pagalacci*, a terrible re-imagining of the much-better opera. At the play, I was complaining to a boyish but buxom woman about how terrible it was and she agreed and had even more complaints than me. I was shocked at the end of the conversation to find out not only was she the stage manager, she wanted me to come to her apartment afterward for coffee. I had thought she was a lesbian who did not care for coffee or men. I went up for coffee, and one thing led to another, and we were soon engaged.

I lied to Petty and told him I did not love her, though I loved her and still love her with all my heart. I told him she was only my beard, to distract attention from us. I told him she was a lesbian and we never had sex. If we were going to have children, we would adopt them with a sob story about how sad I was to never be adopted. Then Dave got pregnant and my lies fell through.

Luckily, or only seemingly luckily for me, Dave had twins. My first question when I went to the birthing room was, "which child was born first?" She told me it was Dee.\[2\] Oh Dave, if you have noticed that I am colder with Deedee than I am Paulie, that’s why. It is not misogyny, but just unlucky timing. After some time, Polly came to live with us, and we all became a happy family.\[3\]

Petty’s jealousy only grew. His insults towards Dave went from passive-aggressive to vicious. He kept threatening to break us up. He had been insulted by the birth of my twins. Only he was allowed to have me as a lover. I had to get rid of him, for the safety of my happy family, the first family I had known.

So I went to Petty’s political enemy, Senator McCarthy. I told him a story about how Dean Pettyson had been arrested in Lafayette Square for having a gun, but I had smoothed it over by claiming he was just hunting and not cruising. I knew the truth of what he was really doing. If Senator McCarthy publicly made a barb about it, Petty would know the truth was out and I could back him into a corner. So, that’s why McCarthy said “It seems in Lafayette Square, the statue of Friedrich Wilhelm von Steuben isn’t the only one standing up for attention.”

Then Christmas Eve 1952 came. I told my wife I was going to Midnight Mass. I told a friend at Midnight Mass that I was going to see my girlfriend Mimi to give her my candy cane. Alibi settled, I went to Petty’s townhouse and told him not only did I not love him, I never loved him, and I was going to use Senator McCarthy as my attack dog to utterly destroy him. I presented him with sleeping pills and a bottle of 1945 Château Haut-Brion I gave him for his birthday, and told him to take himself out. I left the townhouse feeling I had done the right thing for my family. Then I remember that I had left my gun, which I purchased for self-defense against a stalker, in his townhouse. It was too late then. He took the manly way out, going out like a defeated soldier with my pistol in his mouth.

I thought I could live with all this. The police did buy that it was suicide and not murder. Dave and Polly, I thought you believed my lies. Our neighbors in Georgetown certainly didn’t. So I moved my family from Georgetown to Northern Virginia.

I missed being part of the Georgetown Set, but I have found friends here. Harry \[Twelve\] is who I would be if I had been born into, or at least adopted to, the higher set. Jake \[Five\] is like me, working hard to overcome his Aboriginal heritage, though the only books he reads involve punching. Polly had a fine time taking care of the twins, but Dave was depressed. So when Dr. Engelbert created his self-improvement seminar, I thought it was a splendid idea that Dave go.

When Dave came back, she was full of energy and ideas. She told me funny stories about short-sheeting everyone in the barracks, though she failed to pull a prank on the doctor himself. She also had ideas of different solicitors and salesmen she could pretend to be with Henny. I thought it was a good idea to let her go to this seminar. She did seem like a new woman.

After that, she was quick to take me into the bedroom. We were in our heavy petting when I asked what she wanted to roleplay, since we never did the act without roleplay. She said she wanted to be General Von Stueben. I realized at this point that she had caught on. My suspicions were further aroused when quick into the action she froze up and refused to continue. She joked she had climaxed too quickly, but she is not a teen-aged boy and always takes a long time to climax. I knew then that this was the beginning of the end.

I know that I am on the hook to that damn senator, who knows all my secrets now. He might ask for more than just fluff pieces in my column. I know the Homintern will come after me for my murder of one of their own. Brother mustn’t kill brother. I know my time is limited.

Oh, Dave and Polly! Oh, my twins, Deedee and Paulie! I wish I had more time with you. I will not die tonight, but the albatross is around my neck, strangling me slowly.

---

1. The Black Irish are not dark-skinned, but have black hair and dark colored eyes. It used to be believed this was because of washed-up soldiers of the failed Spanish Amanda, landing in Ireland, but today we know it’s because of the Fae. ↩︎
2. Paul \[Two\] Jr. was born first. ↩︎
3. Paul Llewellyn came to live with the family after Two was stopped by Mr. Two from sawing their babies in half during a fit of postpartum psychosis. ↩︎